3 Minutes Of Nightmare Fuel: Cat Massage Video

This video will haunt you. So many questions, so few answers.

Scene – SoHo, 1965. Art Garfunkle stumbles around a bleak apartment, with laundry and cigarettes strewn carelessly about. He is wearing a faded and ripped red kimono that is far too short for his lanky frame. His trademark white-fro is smooshed down on one side from sleep, but still poofy on the other. He peers blearily around the room trying to find the ringing phone. Finally he digs into a pile of parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, and pulls out the handset.

Art Garfunkle: “Ahoy, Ira speaking.”

Paul Simon: “Art, baby, what’s groovy?”

G: “Paul, old friend, so good to hear your voice. How are … I mean, what is it that is ‘groovy’ with you?”

S: “Oh things here in England are far out! How’s New York?”

G: “Like a flower, thrusting up from decaying leaves, I arise each morning to greet the risen sun. Like the springtime pushes back the night, I burn once more for the road. It is a most propitious season, my friend. Also, lots of weed. Like just crazy amounts, dude.”

S: “Hey man, that’s great. I was calling because I have a song idea I want to run past you.”

G: “I shall endeavor to be a sounding board of utmost felicity.” *Sniffs old french fry; eats*

S: “…. Great. You know how stuff is like, really groovy?”

G: “I have noticed that groovyness is on the rise, both at home and abroad.”

S: “Right. Well, it’d be a shame to miss any of it, right? Like, hey man, slow down and smell the flowers! Except the flowers are groovyness, man.”

G: “Your simile is most pleasing. Like a rain in April, coming, as she might, to cleanse the new-sprung blossoms.”

S: “Uh huh. You should like, right this stuff down, man.”

G: “In fact, I am endeavoring to jote my poor scribblings down in a more coherent …”

S: “That’s great. Really great, Artie. Anyway, so what do you think about doing a song like ‘slow down, you move to fast…'”

G: “One does have to make the morning remain…”

S: “Uh, how about, ‘you got to make the morning last … just … uh”

G: “Parading down the cobblestones?”

S: “… Suuuuure, we can work with that.”

G: “And wherever do you see this dissertation on ‘feelings of groovyness’ taking us.”

S: “Well, obviously it’s gotta have some soul, man. And some groove. And …”

Simultaneously: “Cat massage.”

S: “I’m on the next flight back to New York. Save me some of that weed.”

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