I’ve written before about my buddy Alex. He’s a war hero, a freedom fighter, and a Marine. He wrote me with some of his thoughts on the recent Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell repeal, and asked to share them with you. Congratulations, Congress. It’s sad it took so long. For you tender hearts, there’s a dick joke or two. Be warned. Take it away, Alex.
In a rare event of liberty expansion this year, the United States’ senate just repealed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. If you’re just crawling out of drug (or FoxNews) induced hibernation, or if you are just becoming literate in modern affairs, Don’t ask Don’t Tell was the controversial law late that prevented gays from serving openly in the military.
This measure will go down, as it should, on the medium tally of victories for freedom in America. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t always sold on the idea that gays serving openly in the military was a good thing.
My resistance didn’t come from any redneck homophobia (which, I must digress, is such an insular cultural criticism. Homophobia isn’t just for white people, haven’t you heard?) Rather, it came from an operational perspective.
Serving four years in the Marine Corps infantry, I observed how crucial team building was to combat success. Furthermore, I saw the Marine’s way of team building as it stands (to this day, I hope) in direct conflict with any sense of civilian team building. Not once did I have to close my eyes and fall backward into another man’s arms (at least when sober and in uniform) nor did I ever received any applause for any achievement. Affirmation took second place to calculated shame in this gun club.
Marines achieve trust through formal and informal measures. Formally, togetherness is built through the obliteration of identity (in recruit training, we have to refer to ourselves in the third person) and mutual accountability (your team will pay for your mistakes). Informally, we achieved unit cohesion through being crass assholes and in my former opinion, for specifically the infantry, the lack of any sexual tension.
Let me elaborate. It wasn’t us being assholes that brought us together; it was rather the attitude that if you became offended by something someone else said, the fault was with you and not the offender. This environment renders null every party’s killjoy who is often heard saying, “That’s not funny I’m/my mother/someone I’ve read about is/has cancer/black/aids/dead/ugly genitals/gay/retarded/half retarded/Asian.”
The lack of sexual tension was something new for me. I spent a disproportionate amount of my time chasing tail in high school when I should have been planning for my future ( I’ve been known to tell people that I joined the Marines because they wouldn’t hire me at the record store). With my new found power of not-getting-a-boner-every-2-class-periods, I was able to assess a strategy of success and further entrench myself in the discipline of my vocation. So like the classic evangelical recovering alcoholic marching proudly in the ranks of the temperance movement, I assumed that enlisted gays put in my situation wouldn’t be able to properly conduct themselves. By projecting my past behavior onto someone of a different persuasion, I saw a compromise in team integrity. I was less concerned with the legions of uniformed homophobes than I was for the poor gay bastard longing to be with a team mate. And my concern for the unit as a whole: by outing himself, that gay marine could provide disequilibrium to his immediate squad.
But that’s when the true definition of liberty needs to be spelled out. There are often rules made to try to limit personal conduct based on the impression of that conduct directly causing bad stuff to happen. Easy example -gun rights. People walking around with guns isn’t the cause of violent crime, yet there are many of us who want to obey that gut reaction and limit the ability to responsibly bear arms in the mere hope that this will somehow curb violence.
True liberty is people freely conducting themselves as long as they are not inflicting direct harm. And in perspective, if someone in my squad wanted to spend the day talking about how they gargled dicks all weekend, that would have less effect on team erosion than half the shit I saw (like peeing on someone’s girlfriend or smashing the religious guy’s Christ relics he so tenderly put on his well-made rack). If a problem does however arise as the result of a team member getting in a relationship with another team member, or having an uncontrollable pining for another uniformed team mate, deal with that. It’s a separate issue from there. Gay is not the problem. The problem is the problem.
Another brief concern of mine was that by recruiting openly gay soldiers, other less developed countries would wrongly underestimate the fighting ability of the US military. That concern of mine retired after reading an article on how groups of South Africans were smoking vulture brains in order to receive visions on who would win the World Cup.
All who enjoy liberty should celebrate this passing. Encourage those who do enjoy liberty to do so.
By insulting FoxNews, the author by no way condones any news station with opposing viewpoints to Fox, and would like announce the author would rather have his dick lit on fire than watch Keith Olbermann. He silently hopes he’s never confronted with that decision.
The author wishes to let all readers know that the dick gargling comment was made in no way to disparage homosexuals. The author simply feels that all dick sucking, no matter who it’s done by, is hilarious. Dicks themselves need little help in the comedy department. Wrap a pair of lips around one and you have comedic gold, among other stuff.