This Week in Libertarian Football Picks

Well it’s almost Sunday so we better get week 10’s pick review up and going.  Oh and a dinosaur is writing again!

GAME 1:  Baltimore @ Atlanta -1 (Both picked Atlanta)

Phil:  Jerome has a lot to say on this one, so I’ll leave it to him mainly.  This game didn’t surprise me really.  The Ravens are aren’t bad anywhere, but they aren’t dominant anywhere.  This game officially ends the the era of Ravens’ dominant defense.  They’ve now blown six 4th quarter leads this year.  It was a great run.  I don’t even know if I want to root for a team with a non-top ten defense.

Joe is going to run where?

Jerome:  So is Jim Harbaugh a good coach? Decent? Mediocre? His team has talent, but doesn’t show it on the field. He consistently plays against his team’s strengths, and the play calling is predictable. *Smashcut to typical Ravens drive*

First down: *Harbaugh to Flacco on helmet radio* Alright, Joe, here we go. First down. Run the ball up the gut with Rice! I know he’s better at running outside or on a swing pass, but let’s slam it in there. Picture their inside linebackers like Blue Hen sorority girls, and really give it to them!

Second Down: *Harbaugh* Hmm, that got us two yards. We got rejected just like their inside linebackers were Blue Hen sorority girls, those prisses. Better switch it up and throw that pigskin. Ready to work that arm, kid? Swing pass to Mcgehee! I know he’s a bruising, between-the-tackles runner, and Rice is our explosive game-changer, but dammit, Rice just got pig-piled by those Blue Hen bitches! HE NEEDS A BREATHER YOU UNIBROWED MONSTER! Wonder coach powers, activate! Form of: second down swing pass!

Third Down: *Harbaugh* Fellas, that right there is why I love football. That play had all the guts, ferocity, and athletic brilliance you can hope for in a gladiatorial contest like this. Massive, muscular bodies colliding, striving, and working against our opponents, against ourselves, and against the known limits of human physical endurance! Boys, do you know what we just saw out there? We just saw the Immovable Object meet the Irresistible Force. And it … was … glorious. Unfortunately the Object held the Force to just a yard, so we’re in third and long. Uh … shit. Throw it to that Boldin guy? Make him run around? Somewhere? Don’t you look at me like that, you uni-browed, Jersey-shore-loving freak! I’m the damn coach around here! MY FATHER WAS A FOOTBALL LEGEND! MY BROTHER COACHES PLAYERS WHO TAKE SHITS SMARTER THAN YOU, YOU BLUE HEN BITCH! No I don’t know which route he should run! Take some damn initiative! Do you want me to come hold your toilet paper while you shit, too? You mama’s boy.

*Flacco runs around for five seconds, throws a terrible pass in the vague direction of Antoine Boldin, who out-jumps the cornerback, fights off a lion, and balances his checkbook at the same time.*

*Harbaugh* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Just like we draw it up! Alright! First down! Rice! Get your skinny ass in there, and run right up Matt Birk’s asshole.

Game 2:  Jets -3 at Cleveland (Both picked Jets)

Phil:  Eric Wright should not be in the NFL, or at least relegated to the dime package.  He single handedly cost the Brown the Ravens game in Baltimore earlier this year and he got abused in again in OT giving up a long completion to a one-legged Jet wide out whose name I don’t feel like googling to spell check.  If they had even a competent corn this Browns team could be 5-4 and well in the AFC North race.  Instead they are 3-6 and will be relegated to the roll of a spoiler down the stretch.  The Jets are a 2 loss team, but beatable and without a distinct home field advantage.  They’ll likely get a bye in the wildcard round of the playoffs so let’s watch for them to lose to a hot team in the AFC divisional round in the unimposing New Meadowlands.

Jerome could've covered a one-legged receiver. Of course, Jerome probably would've just eaten the other leg.

Jerome:  So the Jets are legit. They’ve beaten good teams, they’ve had tough games, and they always seem to do just enough to pull victory from the Jaws of defeat. Aaron writes a lot about how results matter, and dammit, Rex Ryan gets results. I’m a bloodthirsty carnivore, and at pile of delicious-looking fat and jello makes me want to rip and kill. More so, I mean. He’s a motivator, is my point. Tell me I’m wrong.

Game 3:  Cowboys @ Giants -14 (Phil picked Cowboys, Jerome picked Giants)

Phil:  How the hell did Eli Manning win a super bowl?  I suppose this was somewhat of a trap game in that teams play hard for a new head coach the first few weeks.  While the Cowboys did play hard, there were a lot of mistakes from the Giants.  Dez Bryant is a jerk, but is talented.  Good to see the outgoing selfish receivers like TO and Randy Moss will be replaced by young up and comers that are just as talented and emotionally immature.

Dez Bryant says, "I do what I want!"

Jerome:  Cowboys blah blah – Giants yadda yadda

Whatever. This game won’t mean anything come January, and we all know it. Side note, am I the only one who wants to see Skip Bayless and Jason Garrett fight to the death? Winner: America.

STANDINGS: Phil 17-11-2 CONTENDERS: 13-15-2

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