Well I’m hot! Do I have a feel for the league now or am I just lucky? Probably just lucky, but let’s see if I can roll the dice one more time. And this week I roll them with…..JEROME THE BIKE RIDING DINOSAUR (of course). We’ve got a doubleheader of libertarian picks today because of the Thursday night game. Which we are picking…now.
GAME 1: Baltimore @ Atlanta -1
Phil: Oh, the Ravens are playing? I like them! Let’s see, I like them but here are the flaws I see: Flacco plays horribly on the road and can’t go through his progressions; our RBs can’t get 3rd and 1s; our WRs can’t go deep; our OL/TE’s can’t pass protect consistently; our DL can’t pass rush; our LBs are slow; our DBs are inconsistent; our STs never get long returns; our Coaches are too conservative yet don’t run the ball enough. Other than that, I like our chances this year! Falcons 24 Ravens 10
Jerome: Well thanks for having me. I may be just a simple dromaeosaurid, but I follow the pigskin closely. Like I’m watching my prey sneak around in the underbrush. Something about that Matty Ryan makes me want to leap for the jugular. Baltimore has a solid defense, but their offense has been sluggish. Phil Raintree doesn’t like their play-calling. I think they slink about, and play-action, like Sam Neil. I don’t see any way that they stop the three-headed monster of Ryan-Roddy-Turner. I think it’s close, but with a line of -1, take ATL. Atlanta 24 Baltimore 21
GAME 2: Jets -3 @ Cleveland
Phil: The Browns impress me. But the league is going to start adjusting the their running attack. If anyone is going to adjust to the Browns running attack it’ll be the Jets. The Jets offense will be able to throw against the Browns secondary as much as they did against Detroit last week. That’s a W for unsexy Rexy. Jets 23 Browns 14
Jerome: These Browns! They’re like the stegosaurus that thought it was a T-Rex! Amiright, or amiright? They played out of their minds against the Pats. But the Jets have the fourth best run d, so look for them to wrap up Baby-Hercules. I don’t see Colt McCoy succeeding where Tom Brady failed. That would be like a bunch of freakin’ mammals taking over for the King Lizard. Ain’t. Gonna. Happen. Side note: I would eat Rex Ryan slow, because he would keep me full, and laughing, for a long time. Take the Jets to cover. Jets 27 Browns 10
Dallas @ NYG -14
Phil: This is a huge spread. I wonder what people would have predicted the spread would be for this game before the season started. Probably Dallas -2. Just goes to show no one knows what they are talking about. Having a new coach should inspire the Cowboys for at least a quarter. And division games should never have this big of a spread. I think the Cowboys can make a game of this. New York Giants 24 Dallas 17
Jerome: So many story lines, so little interest. New coach, Eli looking suddenly competent, Roy Williams still inexplicably in the NFL, JOHN KITNA! Who cares. This is a classic “sports media needs to talk about something” game, and also a “this game won’t matter at all come playoffs”. This game is like the Triceratops of football … it’s all nonsense. Stupid, bony, fat, slow, and fossilized. Like John Kitna. Turn the channel, and tear into a raw, bloody haunch of Brontosaurus. Or a beer and a brat, whatever floats your boat. Will swing passes to Felix Jones be enough? Who cares, Giants 67 Dallas 0.
STANDINGS: Phil 14-11-2 CONTENDERS: 11-14-2