This week’s contender is the one and only Picante Pants. She’ll be the first woman to pick with Phil, so let’s hope she represents her gender well. Anyway, the hour is growing late, let’s get to the picks!
GAME 1: San Diego -8 @ St. Louis
Phil: San Diego is 2-3, St. Louis is 2-3. San Diego is 0-3 on the road, St. Louis is 2-1 at home. Why are the Chargers 8 point favorites again? Taking St. Louis and the points is a no brainer here. This line is based purely upon reputation. San Diego 24 St. Louis 23
Picante Pants: I can’t stand Philip Rivers. My animosity for him goes all the way back to N.C. State. Especially back in those days, announcers couldn’t get enough of telling the audience how he was the the most devout Christian ever born. Now look at his holier than thou attitude when he is screaming at teammates as he is in the midst of blowing close games. So it reeeaally hurts me to say that the Chargers will cover against a Mark Claytonless Rams. May Mike Tolbert bring me lots of fantasy points as a consolation prize. San Diego 24 St. Louis 14.
GAME 2: Dallas @ Minnesota -1.5
Phil: Whichever team loses this game can say goodbye to its 2010 chances. Both teams have bad coaches and QBs that make mistakes at inopportune times. Minnesota is at home so I suppose that gives them an edge. I was looking for a picture of Randy Moss “mooning” and found this site: http://www.kidzworld.com/article/1564-touchdown-dances-and-celebrations. The site is called “kidzworld” yet it references a Paris Hilton wet t-shirt contest? That’s messed up. Minnesota 22 Dallas 16.
Picante Pants: A Tale of Mediocrity in the Twin Cities. I really don’t understand why either of these teams is not better than they have shown this season. I think I am forced to pick with the home team here simply because either team surely is at the precipice of finally proving it can win convincingly, but I have not been convinced that either team will manage to avoid giving up the ball 3+ times. I envision a game with 950 total yards of offense, multiple red zone miscues, and a lot of channel flipping by me. Minnesota 21 Dallas 17.
GAME 3: Indy -3 @ Washington
Phil: These are two of my most hated teams. Indy famously stole the Baltimore Colts away on a snowy night in 1983. Every Baltimorean (I’m going to try to work that term into every post now) must root against the “Colts” or you lose your share of The Wire and Diner profits. Over the years my distaste for them has only grown because of the media’s constant fawning over Peyton Manning and the Colts passing offense despite Marvin Harrison’s apparent role in a murder, Peyton cheating on his wife, and Austin Colllie being Mormon. The Redskins I’ve actually grown to root for in a way despite their former owner, Jack Kent Cooke, blocking Baltimore from getting an expansion team in 1994. Living in the DC area for about 10 years now and listening to Skins fans complain about the hapless Redskins has made me sympathize with the club. It’s like if I was a woman and they were a homosexual man. Skins fans are non-threatening, and when I have problems with my team, I’m comfortable talking to them about it. Anyway, Indy should handle its business in this one, though the Skins will put up a fight. Indy 27 Washington 21
Picante Pants: I love Peyton Manning more than I love burritos. I have every possible ounce of confidence in him at all times. I want the Colts, my team, to pass one hundred percent of the time and still cut through pass defenses like softened butter. I have totally blocked the fourth quarter of the Superbowl from my memory enough to know in my heart week in and week out that the Colts will notch another win. Even when they don’t, I can shrug it off knowing that it won’t matter when they are riding out their bye week in the first round of playoffs. So of course, I know that Indy will win this week because Peyton re-invented pulling out wins in the last 1:48 for the modern era, and the new attitude Redskins have already punched that card too many times this year. Don’t take my last statement to mean I don’t think it will be a classic Colts Sunday night convincing victory. Indianapolis 31 Washington 17.
(For anyone who is keeping score, the Baltimore Ravens are the most Mormon team in the NFL with five Mormon players.)
STANDINGS: Phil 6-9-0 CONTENDERS: 8-7-0