Pandas: Killer Death Machines? Or Killingest Deathiest Machines???

Pandas will mess your shit up yo. For reals. Trust.

Phil Raintree called Giant Pandas giant frauds, and somehow he’s still walking on God’s great earth. I say ‘somehow’, because Pandas will wreck you. Don’t fall for the “errr I’m so cute, I just need bamboo for my babies” routine. If you say one bad thing about Pandas, you and everyone you love will be hunted down by these monochrome murder machines.

As if you needed further proof how terrifying Pandas are, our friends over at Warming Glow dug up this footage of a Panda forcing poor, innocent Egyptians into supporting a multinational cheese corporation. TYPICAL BIG-PANDA THUGGERY!

Check under my bed for monsters, Ufford:

The execution is pitch-perfect — the direction, the creepiness of the panda, the dissonance between the violence and Buddy Holly’s “True Love Ways” — I award this ad campaign five panda attacks (out of five) for a perfect score of PANDAMONIUM!

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