Dear Heaven, Suck It. Love, Australia

Whenever I meet an Australian, I’m always surprised, and a little concerned. Why would you leave a place all data indicates is better than the land of milk and honey? The beaches, beer, and beautiful women make Heaven look like a pile of cat-puke, filled with dead people. Oh, and also you can do this:

Apparently you can own dogs AND wallabies (I assume) and have them run around and play together. In the dodgeball game of life, Australia just nailed Heaven in the FACE. Go cry about it, Heaven. You little baby.

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70 Responses to Dear Heaven, Suck It. Love, Australia

  1. So stoked to head there next year for a year to finish school. I don’t know about the whole better than heaven thing though, I think Canada may have that down to an art. 🙂

    • evaroads says:

      I’m sitting up in the Great White North, and we just got over a foot of snow on May 4th… not sure I’d qualify this as heaven!

  2. One of the funniest things I’ve read all week!

  3. Joy says:

    Dude, hilarious but only *partly* true. I lived in Australia for a few months and their best-kept, dirty little secret is that they have the hands-down worst food in the entire world!

  4. Jeff says:

    Please don’t tell me that Australia has awful food, say it ain’t so. It’s been my goal to travel there for some time now but I love to eat. That could blow the whole trip! Someone please confirm or deny…

  5. pyrit says:

    Who cares about food! What? :-p

  6. Fiona says:

    I’m an Aussie who loves to travel – and I am sorry to think that someone had a bad food exprience. Maybe if doing the takeout/backpacker ultra cheap eats tour you might have, but we have some of the best restaurants in the world,and a huge variety of foods. Organic, free range – we have some of the happiest bacon and chickens around 🙂 I’ve had some bad food experiences, but one thing is, if you are used to lots of additives and preservatives, maybe things tasted different? When in Melbourne you can eat really cheaply and have some amazing food experiences. But as Pyrit says.. who really cares…. you will have a ball ….come on down!

  7. Fiona says:

    oh.. and can’t own wallabies!! 😀
    Serious note… we keep eating our National emblem… hard to find much in the wild now unless you are in the outback 😦

  8. Pingback: heaven « outernational

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